A Letter To My Son On His First Birthday

 Dear Ibrahim, 

If you're reading this, it means you're alive and well, of sound body and mind. It means you survived the worst pandemic ever known to mankind, and that you grew up to hopefully have a good childhood. It means that somebody taught you to read and comprehend and that somehow this letter has made it to you. I sincerely hope that someone was me and that I'm sitting beside you while you read this. And if that is the case, you're not going to read this first paragraph, because I would have removed it, since I would have seen you grow up to read this. Again, I sincerely hope that you have started with the second part.

If someone would have told me that between the day you were born to your first birthday, our whole world would have turned upside down, that we would come to value things which we never even thought about, that the whole world would unite and then disintegrate again, I would have dismissed it as fake forecasting. But now, when I sit to pen this, at exactly 10:15 am on the first of July, 2020, I wish that somehow I can turn back the time and spend this whole year with you again, to make sure that I never missed a single moment of making you happy.

I was hoping that, like most parents, your first year would just fly by, and on your birthday, I would dress you like a prince, and invite tons of people to shower gifts and blessings. The worst I had assumed would happen would be you toppling the cake over. Alas, though time did pass in its own time, it did not bring the same happiness that I thought it would. All I do now is wait for the next tragedy to occur.

The first six months of your life were uneventful. You were living your best life, sleeping, crapping and feeding, and of course, crying all night. When you were born, all the nurses told me that you were going to be a handful; and boy, were they right. I hadn't slept at all the first month. I do confess, however, that when the doctor announced it was a boy, I was disappointed for a second. I had wanted a girl, but then I saw your beautiful face and all my doubts vanished. 

The first time you saw your father was when he came for your naming ceremony, and after that almost three months later. That was also the first time you and I got to travel by flight. I hope that your life has become normal enough that you get to experience it again. Life after that became a hectic blur divided between times when you were sleeping and when you were not. I was quite amazed at myself, but I did manage to keep you alive and healthy. I had learned to read your every emotion, every tear, and slowly you understood to relax a little.

By the end of 2019, many things were happening all at once. Our country was debating over who was the rightful citizen, and the rest of the world was fighting over other things as usual. At the time, you were my whole world, so I was not concerned. I hope you have obtained some proof of your existence since I haven't done that yet. I was enjoying my time with you; playing, trying to make you laugh, singing, taking you on walks, etc. I spent New Year's Eve sleeping beside you, content in the fact that I had done a decent job.

When the sun dawned on this fateful year, I was already making plans on how to celebrate your birthday. The world was hyping this new virus on the scene, but I was more anxious about your vaccines, your weight, your posture, etc. To me, it seemed like a faraway problem in a faraway place, and it would never touch you. And one day, everyone was worried about this new disease that was taking so many lives and with no cure. People were wearing masks and buying out disinfectants. I remember I was at a store with you when I saw the first people with masks. I hope you too have discovered the joy of spending at a department store. 

That was the last time we were ever inside a store. After the American Prime Minister had left, our country went into lockdown. For two months, we were trapped inside. Of course, we are still trapped, but we do get to go out once in a while. In the beginning, it seemed like a few days would cure everything, and everything would go back to normal. We had a lot of fun with your dad being around all the time, and he even constructed a new swing for you.

And time started to slow down more and more. The lockdown kept extending, and what seemed like a faraway problem was getting nearer every minute. The much-awaited festival of the year, Ramadan, came and went, and we were still at home. I hope that you have got to experience all of our festivals in a mosque. With the month leading up to your birthday arriving, and no sign of any cure coming, I had lost all hopes of celebrating your birthday grandly. All I prayed for was that this pandemic would be over soon.

Your father resumed his work duties, but every day felt like he was going to war, and we waited with bated breath for his return. Thousands of people had died already, and more were falling ill every day. People outraged on social media about various issues and then forgot about it. Everyone was cursing the Chinese, worrying over their own country. An elephant died, a black man was killed by a white man, our country was blaming the Muslims; earthquakes, lightning storms, floods, hurricanes, locusts, etc. were damaging everything. It was chaos everywhere. Animals had reclaimed their lands, while the humans were trapped in their homes. Many well-known people, in India and abroad, died under different circumstances. New medicines were discovered and discarded, and the whole world was waiting for some ray of hope. 

With just three days to go before your birthday, a close relative of ours was diagnosed with the virus. Never had I ever thought that we would have to go through a situation like this. He was an uncle of your father's, and even though he lived in a different city, we were in terror. All the little things that we had wanted to do for you would have to be stopped. And then, on that fateful day, news came that he had passed away. Your birthday was filled with tears instead of joy, and none of us was in the mood to even cut a cake. We did manage to do it, however, just for the sake of it, so you would have something to remember your first birthday by. I hope that, in the years to come, you have celebrated better birthdays than this.

I may not have been able to get you a big present, but instead, I will give you a few pieces of advice that this year has taught me till now.

1. Never underestimate the power of nature. If Nature can give you everything you want, then it can also take it away. 

2. Surround yourself only with people who truly believe in you. Don't ever let anyone misjudge you and your worth.

3. Do not break anybody's heart. You may never know if that is the last thing you ever do.

4. Pray every day. Even if you do not believe in a religion, accept that there is a Power above and that it controls everything that happens. It will help you to at least get some peace of mind.

5. Talk to people. Whatever you feel, think, imagine; reach out to whoever is closest. Remember that you are never alone, and if you need help, all you have to do is ask.

6. Be kind, be patient, be humble. No amount of money in the world can save you from the horrors of the grave.

7. Strive for excellence in whatever you do. Whatever field you choose to work in, make sure that you are passionate about it and that you enjoy working there. Do not work anywhere just for the sake of wealth. 

8. Your happiness is in your hands. It is up to you to decide what truly makes you content.

9. Family, especially in times of crisis, are the only ones who will ever support you. Blood relations or constructed ones, your family are your backbone.

10. Make plans for your life, but do not be disappointed when things don't turn out the way they were supposed to. Keep faith that whatever happens, however bad it is, happens for the best.

In the end, I want to leave you with a bequest. For your birthday, your father and I had decided that, since we couldn't throw you a party, we would feed other unfortunate people as charity. We distributed food packets to 100 people that day, and I hope that this tradition has continued every year. I wish you a joyful life, with many exciting things happening every day, and good health.

Your loving Mother,

Zainab.